I made a page in my planner for 2021 goals.
I mean it’s not completely blank. It’s got some washi tape on it. I added a sticker or two. And I wrote down my proposed word of the year – perspective – though I’m still trying to figure out what that means for me.
I think it’s blank because I still have so many questions that won’t miraculously be answered by January 1, 2021. There are things I’m still trying to figure out and navigate about myself and my children and what the Spring semester will look like. And that’s just me – that’s just my stuff.
There’s also all the world’s stuff and the nation’s stuff and the pandemic stuff.
It’s a lot of stuff.
I’ve taken a lot of personality tests this year, something about being stuck at home a lot. I’m an enneagram 1, a Gretchen Rubin upholder, and INTJ on the Myers-Briggs. What does all that mean if you don’t do personality tests? It means I like goals. I like to make them, I like to accomplish them. I like to challenge myself to do new things and learn new things. I also almost always make myself do a January challenge for health.
So a blank piece of paper for the month ahead is a little odd for me. After all, I want to control exactly how this year will go.
How about you? Don’t you wish we could grab the reins back and say something trite but invigorating like “This is gonna be my year!”
But God is inviting us to something different. God is always inviting us to something different but this year we feel it more tangibly. God is inviting us to let go of the reins.
This morning, my prayer is by Henri Nouwen found on Henrinouwen.org. It spoke to me this morning, maybe it’ll speak to you as well.
I so much want to be in control.
I want to be the master of my own destiny.
Still I know that you are saying:
“Let me take you by the hand and lead you.
Accept my love
and trust that where I will bring you,
the deepest desires of your heart will be fulfilled.”
Lord, open my hands to receive your gift of love.
I’m gonna put my pen down and close this book for now and let this page be blank… and trust God will help me fill it up when God’s ready.