I haven’t been showing up.
I’ve been falling asleep every night on the couch or in my bed around 7. I wake up at 4:15 and I show up all day, but I realized something yesterday – I often forget to show up at home when the day is done.
I mean I do get all the kids stuff inside and give them a “get those Covid germs off of you” bath. I empty lunch boxes and clean up the kitchen and get dinner ready. But then and maybe even during I check out.
Last night my boys wanted to do reading worksheets right before bed and I was half asleep. I’m pretty sure I grumbled at them for even suggesting such a thing. And I grumbled at my husband that I didn’t want to do it but I’d do it anyway if I had to. And then I went through the sheets with them never fully awake to the process. He finished up with the one child I couldn’t stay awake for.
This and more is what I mean when I say “I’m not showing up.”
I don’t have a solution. Maybe drink more coffee, maybe let some things go in my morning routine, maybe put away my Netflix queue and stop laying down right after dinner with the iPad in hand. Whatever it is, I know I need to show up better for those that love me.
So my prayer this morning is for all of us who feel like we are not showing up in one area or another. May God give us the graces we need to be more present to those we love. And may God give them patience with us as we figure out how to navigate all of this better.