Do you battle the endless desire to improve yourself, your way of proceeding, your way of being in the world?
I know I do.
And, of course, change is good.
Growth is essential to life.
We can’t stay stagnant.
But on the other hand, I sometimes have to ask myself when all the hundreds of ways I could be better come swimming to the surface and occupying so much space in my mind and heart… what exactly am I aiming for?
What’s my ultimate goal?
Am I supposed to change everything?
No… because then… I wouldn’t be me.
I think maybe the goal is just to learn how to be the light God created me to be and lean into that. Sometimes that means working on changing something about myself, but more often I think it means discovering more about what makes me me and leaning in to that.
I love this poem by Mary Oliver. It strikes me anew every time I read it. In the middle, she laments to the trees:
“I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.”
She laments how far she hasn’t come in her quest to change and be… better.
But in her imagination, her beloved trees share their wisdom and ask her to stay still awhile…
and do what she was meant to do…
So if you (like me) are battling the never ending desire in you to grow and change and be something… better… consider the advice of the trees and stay still awhile until you recognize the light that’s already in you.