I masked up the other day to walk into school and get started on the year.
First, however, I sat in my car for a few minutes while a bunch of thoughts rolled around in my head: “Did I remember my mask? Do I have a spare? Is there sanitizer in my purse? Did I fill out my health form? Did I bring a water bottle to drink in my office? (Big fat no on that one) What will all this feel like today? …. Ok, one more swig of coffee and then mask on and out of this car.”
It occurs to me that none of these things were on my mind back in early March when I would dash out of my car quickly grabbing my stuff happily drinking coffee on the way in the door as I greeted people with a wave and a smile.
It’s gonna take a little while for all of this stuff to become familiar and as rote as closing my garage door when I leave home each morning. It will happen, but for right now it’s just new and unfamiliar and, admittedly, a bit heavy.
This week’s readings are some of my favorites. In the first reading, God shows up in a quiet whisper when Elijah is looking for the big show. And in the Gospel, Peter has a moment of pure human weakness – he takes his eyes off of Jesus and begins to sink into the waves.
They are such beautiful readings teeming with messages of the bounty available with a little faith – but they are also precious reminders that it’s okay to be human. It’s okay that Elijah looked for God in all the wrong places first. It’s okay that Peter let the doubt weigh heavy on his shoulders.
In both instances, God showed up anyway.
There is a weight on all of us right now. It feels sometimes like more than we can carry. It is awkward and new and filled with unexpected and unanticipated details (like do I need multiple masks if I sneeze or sweat or breathe funny, will I really be able to stop touching my face… and will we all be okay in the end?)
And in the midst of it, we will be human. We will doubt and experience bouts of fear and look for God in all the wrong places.
But God will show up anyway.
God always does.